Who is SHE?!

I look in the mirror and I’m left wondering, “who is that woman in front of me?” Oh sure, she has long brown hair and my big brown eyes, but she sure doesn’t resemble the me that I recognize. I catch little glimpses of the me I remember, but then she’s gone again. Lost behind a mind so full of family, school, work, life, schedules, parties, and so on that she’s become unrecognizable.

Sounds crazy, right? It sounds crazy to me. Yet I find myself in this funk every couple of months. Then something happens and I break through the fog…coming to my senses and proclaiming that I’m going to do things differently. I’m going to put me first and won’t let this happen again. And guess what…it’s a lie. It happens again and I’m just as confused on how I got here as I was the first time or the fifth time or the twentieth time.

I realize that my plate is overflowing. It’s my own doing – choices I’ve made – that have brought me to this winding path. Sometimes it’s sunny and I can walk along knowing that I have a beautiful family, a loving husband, great friends, good job and that everything will be just fine. Then there are times that the path is rough, the sky is gray and I never know when it might start raining down on me. I need to find balance...

Sometimes there is so much going on in my head that I neglect the people in my life. There are those who have no idea just how much they mean to me. How much I’m grateful for them and what they bring to my life. I keep meaning to tell them…yet I never do. It’s as if I live life in my head, never really living life out loud.

How do I shut my mind off long enough for me to actually enjoy life rather than analyze it? That is the question here, isn’t it? Where is that elusive off switch I’ve been searching for? What would be the consequences if I found it? Would it make a difference?

For now, I’ll just sit back and let all of this wander through my head.

And while I’m thinking about it…know that I love you. I really do <3