I've been struggling lately. Mostly with myself, a little with others...in just about every aspect of my life. It's gotten to the point where I'm getting a little worried about myself. When you begin to seriously pray for an off switch for your brain, you know you're in trouble.
I know what some of you are thinking. "But she just got back from vacation!" You're right...I did. And let me tell you that I'm pretty sure the trip did more harm then good. Knowing most people won't understand, when asked how my trip was, I smile and tell them it was good. A few select individuals got the truth. That it left me feeling very disillusioned. Disillusioned about friends, about family, about where exactly I fit in to this picture I call my life. {And trust me...I get the irony of this paragraph}
I've come to a few really important realizations that I've decided to share. Not so much because I want someone's opinion, but to organize my thoughts and - hopefully - get myself out of this theoretical rut I have found myself in. So - here goes nothing...
1) Facebook is more harmful, than helpful. Wow - loaded statement right? You all know that I love me some FB. It's how I stay in touch with most of you, keeping current on everyone's comings and goings. I've realized, however, that it creates a sort of unstable sense of friendship. What does that mean? Well, it means that I'm creating or cultivating all of these "virtual" friendships, yet the real ones are either disintegrating or...for some...are non-existent in the real world. It means that it gives me this false sense of comfort thinking that my true friends know how I feel about their friendship. It means that I need to make the extra effort to reach out to those friends and actually TALK with them. Not everday...not every week. Just every once in awhile so they know that I value them and the place they've carved out in my life. Of course - don't expect me to abandon FB any time soon. That's an addiction that will take awhile to break.
2)It's ok to just go with the flow. Sounds simple enough, right? For me, this is a painstaking process. I set deadlines for everything and get very agitated when those deadlines aren't met. Makes me super great at my job, but not so much when it comes to my life. Somewhere in this blog you will find a post that mentions something to the effect of "forgetting self imposed deadlines". I have obviously not listened to my own advice. I need to remember that not everything has to have an agenda that is followed. Sometimes the happiest moments in life are those that are spontaneous. Again, sounds easy, but I assure you...for me, it is not. It is something that I will be striving for and struggling with, but is something that I know is a MUST for me to move forward.
3) My family is the single most important thing in my life. Oh sure...say it. DUH! And it's not that I ever really FORGOT this. But it's good to remind myself now and then. Especially when my brain is going a million miles a second thinking about FB and when the next homework assignment is due and what's for dinner and when is that project at work going to mail...etc, etc. I've recently found I spend too much time worrying about everything and everybody else...and not nearly enough time just concentrating on my family. There can be no comparing my life to anyone elses. I don't know what their journey is all about, so I shouldn't get so wrapped up in the differences between us. My kids will never be perfect. My husband will never be perfect. I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT! And that is perfectly ok! :)
And there you have it. Know that the Kelly today is feeling a helluva lot stronger than the Kelly even a week ago...and she's being revived more and more every single second. I don't know...call it a re-evaluation of my life. Call it a psychotic episode. Call it a nervous break down. Or simply call it a woman with a lot on her shoulders, readjusting everything to make it just a little more comfortable to carry.
Yeah, I like that last one too :) Til next time folks...
