Last Firsts

I know us Moms say this all the time, but I honestly have no idea where the last 12 months have gone. A year ago today, I was scheduled to deliver my third (and last) baby at 9am via c-section. Of course – in true McCormack Baby fashion – she didn’t want to play by the rules and decided that I should go into labor at 3am instead. By the time I walked into the Operating Room at 8am(an hour ahead of schedule), my contractions were less than a minute apart and they were gently rushing to get things going.

And so began the First of my Last Firsts of Babyhood. It was the last time I would get a first look at one of my babies being born. I glanced up just in time to see her in the reflection of the Operating Room light. The last time I would bring a newborn home for the first time. The last time I would see my baby roll over for the first time, crawl for the first time, and take those last first steps. And today I’m struggling with another milestone. The last  1^st birthday we’ll get to experience. She’s no longer our “baby” as the correct term is now “toddler” – though she’ll  affectionately live on in FB land as Baby Diva…because Toddler Diva just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And while there are plenty of Last Firsts yet to come, I still can’t help but be struck with a myriad of emotions. Sadness, pride, love, fear…and so many, many more.

Being a mother of 3 is every bit as rewarding, frustrating, and exhausting as I was told it would be. There are moments when the fullness of the house warms my heart in ways only other mothers would understand. There are also moments where I want to scream and pull my hair out…cuz let’s be honest…perfect my kids are not (yes, that’s my inner Yoda). In many ways, I feel like I’m more me than I have ever been before. Huh? What did she just say? I mean that the layers of all of those pretend Kellys – the ones that felt like they had to be someone else to fit in – have been peeled away, revealing ME. The person I always was, yet didn’t even know. I'm real - what you see is what you get. There's no trying to be anyone I'm not. My children have given that to me…and I couldn’t be more grateful.

And so, to my youngest I say this: Happy First Birthday Kaelyn Sawyer. Here's to another year of amazing Last Firsts. My life…and the world...wouldn’t be the same without you.