Last Firsts

I know us Moms say this all the time, but I honestly have no idea where the last 12 months have gone. A year ago today, I was scheduled to deliver my third (and last) baby at 9am via c-section. Of course – in true McCormack Baby fashion – she didn’t want to play by the rules and decided that I should go into labor at 3am instead. By the time I walked into the Operating Room at 8am(an hour ahead of schedule), my contractions were less than a minute apart and they were gently rushing to get things going.

And so began the First of my Last Firsts of Babyhood. It was the last time I would get a first look at one of my babies being born. I glanced up just in time to see her in the reflection of the Operating Room light. The last time I would bring a newborn home for the first time. The last time I would see my baby roll over for the first time, crawl for the first time, and take those last first steps. And today I’m struggling with another milestone. The last  1^st birthday we’ll get to experience. She’s no longer our “baby” as the correct term is now “toddler” – though she’ll  affectionately live on in FB land as Baby Diva…because Toddler Diva just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And while there are plenty of Last Firsts yet to come, I still can’t help but be struck with a myriad of emotions. Sadness, pride, love, fear…and so many, many more.

Being a mother of 3 is every bit as rewarding, frustrating, and exhausting as I was told it would be. There are moments when the fullness of the house warms my heart in ways only other mothers would understand. There are also moments where I want to scream and pull my hair out…cuz let’s be honest…perfect my kids are not (yes, that’s my inner Yoda). In many ways, I feel like I’m more me than I have ever been before. Huh? What did she just say? I mean that the layers of all of those pretend Kellys – the ones that felt like they had to be someone else to fit in – have been peeled away, revealing ME. The person I always was, yet didn’t even know. I'm real - what you see is what you get. There's no trying to be anyone I'm not. My children have given that to me…and I couldn’t be more grateful.

And so, to my youngest I say this: Happy First Birthday Kaelyn Sawyer. Here's to another year of amazing Last Firsts. My life…and the world...wouldn’t be the same without you.

When there is no right answer...

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they question their purpose. What are they here to do? For me, that moment has been lingering out there for quite some time, waiting for me to give it some attention. Then WHAM…out of nowhere it decided it didn’t want to wait any longer and pushed itself to the forefront of my already frazzled brain. I wouldn’t quite classify it as a mid-life crisis – I don’t feel unstable or like I’m on the verge of doing anything rash – but let’s just say this…there have been some hellacious mood swings.

What it boils down to is this…I’ve recently discovered that there are 2 very drastically differing sides of myself that seem to be under a constant tug of war. I’ve outlined them below.

THE MOM: I have 3 beautiful, smart, exhausting children. They are everything I have ever wanted. I love being Mom (Mama, Mommy, Moooommm). That being said, there are also moments that I’m frustrated, and tired, and fed up. Oh…don’t you sit there and pretend like you’ve never felt any of those things. I’d hazard a guess that each and every one of us mothers has been one or more of those things on multiple occasions. Don’t be ashamed. I’m not. I’m human. I have human limitations. Lately, those limits have been stretched between kids, husband, new job, new house, and everything else in my busy little life. Therein lies one of the main problems. TIME. I don’t have enough of it. I’m always telling myself to be better. Have more patience. Then the next morning comes around, or bath night, or bed time and I find myself trying to adhere to a self-imposed schedule.  We always seem to be running late and then I get irritated and snippy – both with my kids and my husband. I really do try to just let things flow. Try to let things happen on their own timeline. It just doesn’t work for me. I’m a control freak by nature. This part of me just wants to be able to enjoy my family – my kids’ smiles and laughter. I want to be able to take my kids to extracurricular activities without having to work it into my schedule. I want it to BE my schedule. Right now, my schedule outside of my family RUNS my family…instead of it being the other way around. I. Hate. IT. I feel like I’m being cheated out of valuable moments in life that I will never get back. The Mom in me wants to burst free and take over.  

THE REALIST: I’m a 34 year old woman. I’ve lived through more life experiences than some will in an entire lifetime. They’ve made me stronger and braver and more outspoken. Without trying to sound too cheesy…they’ve made me who I am today. I like to think that these experiences have helped me to become smart enough to understand that life is never fair. That we have to do things we don’t necessarily want to do. For instance…I work a decent paying job (not one that I love by any stretch of the imagination) because I want to be able to provide my family with the luxuries that we are accustomed to. I don’t want to have to worry about money and having to deprive myself of little things like pedicures, or hair appointments. That may sound stuck up and rude – like I’m trying to brag about what we have, but it’s just me being honest. I work so that I can provide the “extras”. Whether that’s Rya’s occasional photo shoot, or letting the kids pick out a new toy because they had an exceptionally good week…me working is what allows for those types of things. Now, I’m also smart enough to realize that life would be just fine without these “extras”. We could survive without the latest gadgets and gizmos. We don’t NEED a new patio set. Keaton didn’t HAVE to have a NEW bed. It’s simple – I like the flexibility my income offers. 

Now you can see how these 2 voices are constantly sparring inside my head. On one hand – I just want to be a Mom. On the other, I want to be able to have flexibility with my income and be able to give my kids the “extras”. Some of you may be thinking – “the kids are obviously more important than any amount of money.” And I would completely agree with you. Then I stop and think…but it’s because they’re so important that I want to make sure they have every advantage I can provide. Preschool, extra-curricular activities, etc. My time with them is important, but so is the time they spend away from me…learning how to be independent and self-assured. Looking at my kids today, they are pretty well-rounded, genuinely kind, smart kids. So...is my working such a bad thing? The most ironic thing in this whole scenario – in order for my children to participate in the extracurricular activities I want to put them in, it is a necessity that I work to be able to afford them…but then I barely have the time to take them…which then starts the whole argument over again. **sigh**

And THIS is why us Moms seek out wine / vodka / margaritas / <insert vice here>!!!

Wow - over a year hiatus from blogging. You know...life as usual around the McCormack household...other than 9 months of pregnancy and the birth of our third child. That is ultimately what brought me back. I owe someone an apology...

Dear Kaelyn –

Let me start by saying I’m sorry. Sorry for letting 2 weeks pass without posting your birth story – but I’ve been busy watching your beautiful, expressive face. I’m also sorry for not posting one single blog post during my entire pregnancy with you. All I can say is…if there was ever a “perfect” pregnancy, my 9 months with you would be it. I felt great, slept wonderfully, had no major issues, only gained 34 pounds and actually made it to my scheduled c-section date. On the day of your scheduled arrival, however, you did throw us a little bit of a curve ball. Going into labor was definitely NOT part of the plan.

When I woke up at 2:30am, unable to fall back asleep because my mind was swirling with all of these thoughts and emotions about your impending arrival, the last thing I expected was to feel the start of contractions. I started timing them at about 3am – 12 minutes apart, 8 minutes apart, 10 minutes apart – then all of a sudden they were a steady 9 minutes apart. I decided to wake up early and take a shower, letting your Daddy know that Mommy was pretty sure she was in active labor. To say he was surprised is quite the understatement. We woke up your big sister and big brother, let Grandma Laurie know what was happening, and hopped in the car about 45 minutes earlier then we had planned. By the time we were in the car, contractions were about 7 minutes apart and were quickly gaining strength. We dropped Rya and Keaton off at daycare – dressed in their Big Sister/Big Brother gear - and headed off to the hospital. While in the triage room, contractions slowly became stronger and stronger until they were coming 1 minute apart. The staff had alerted Dr. Bullaro of the situation and we were walked to the O.R. about an hour ahead of schedule. Daddy waited outside while Mommy was prepped for her spinal…which took a little longer and required a few more pokes than expected. Once I was ready, Daddy came in with camera in hand and everyone was ready to begin. I looked up and caught sight of you being born in the surgical light above me. It was one of the most memorable moments in my life and I started to cry. Next came the shock when I heard the nurse announce that you weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 3oz. You outweighed your big sister by 9oz and your big brother by 1lb 2oz.

And that – my dear – is how you came into this world. We spent 3 days in the hospital, all of which were joyfully uneventful. We were able to just enjoy our first 72 hours with you, and share you with close friends and family. Rya and Keaton were probably the proudest big sister and big brother in the history of big sisters and brothers. They couldn’t wait to hold you and welcome you into our family. Even now, they are excited to see you in the morning and love to kiss you goodnight. It might not always be this sweet, but I want you to know they really do love you unconditionally.

So…now that we’ve gotten that important business out of the way, maybe Mommy can get back on the blog bandwagon. Yeah, I know…we’ll see how that goes…

Crazy is as crazy does?

I feel like I’m losing my frigg’n mind. For a woman who is used to knowing EXACTLY what she wants, this feeling of confusion is driving me MAD! Too many areas in my life have tilted off their axis lately which has completely unnerved me. Sounds dramatic, I know…and I’m sure everything will right itself eventually, but for now this lingering sensation of standing on the edge of a tall cliff just won’t leave me alone. I’m a planner by nature, but if you were to ask me right now where I see myself in 10 years, I would have absolutely no answer for you. 

To start it off – Rya has officially been accepted into 4 schools: 2 charter, 2 out-of-district public schools. She is enrolled in THREE of the FOUR at this very moment. All are very good schools, but each has a set of pros and cons that are making it damn near impossible to make a decision. I have absolutely no idea what to do, as I am not 100% on any of the options. I know it’s “just Kindergarten”…but to me, this is the beginning of the rest of her life and I want to make sure we start it off right. I could write an entire entry on this issue alone, but will end it here. Any Mamas out there with advice - feel free to get in touch with me...I could definitely use some right about now.

Then to the Little Monster – this kid is giving me a run for my money. I told him last night that if he finished his corn dog, he would get a cookie. I walk away for a few minutes and come back to find his plate clean. I asked him if he really finished it, to which he replied “Yes” and then asked if he fed it to the dogs, to which he replied “No” with a shake of his adorable little head…so I gave him a cookie. This morning as Rya is looking for her shoes I hear “Um, Mom…” and immediately cringed. That phrase is rarely followed by something positive. When I went to check out what the Little Diva was so disgustingly pointing to, I see the supposedly eaten corndog…apparently thrown onto the carpet behind the doggie gate. When I picked it up and asked Keaton what the thing in my hand was, he innocently looked at me and replied, “Um…a donut?” **Sigh**

Not that this is news, but I’m a Mom – a quote from Spiderman comes to mind, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” I can’t really remember wanting to be anything else - well, except maybe a teacher. Mommyhood is like living and breathing for me…yet I’m constantly second guessing my abilities. Am I doing everything right – most definitely not. Are my kids happy – for the most part, yes. Can my kids sense my instability – most definitely, yes. There are just so many ways I can mess this Mommyhood thing up…and I just need to remind myself that it’s ok if I do. No Mom has ever been perfect and in the end we all turn into crazy adults anyway.

Now school – I start in 2.5 weeks. New school – Grand Canyon University. New degree – Secondary Education. I’m 32 and STILL can’t figure out what I want to do with my life. I’ve asked for guidance…signs…everything…and while I’m sure God has been sending me exactly that, I am apparently too simple to understand. God - please help this stupidly smart girl out :| She really needs your help.

Ugh…and my problem with my self image – I’m 25 pounds heavier than my pre-Rya weight. I’ve been on a diet for a few months now, with only a 2.5 pound loss to show for it. I’m talking…no soda, limited coffee, shake for breakfast & dinner and a reasonable lunch, plus massive water intake. I just don’t get it. What am I doing wrong? Am I as active as I should be? No…but who has the time or energy to work out? By the time I get home I’m emotionally and physically EXHAUSTED. I realize that’s just an excuse…I could make time and find the energy, but dude….I tell you it’s not that easy. Now, there are some portions of this weight gain that I’ve grown to accept and even like…others however are constantly being loathed by the little female voice in my head that wants to look 20 again :|

Work – always a touchy subject that may be rectified once I finally finish school (assuming, of course, that I really DO finish school). Co-workers who may be reading this...please skip to the next paragraph please…ahem…right. Ok, so…anyone who has worked with me would vouch that I take my job very seriously. I tend to be passionate about my opinions, much to the dismay of management. I’m a team player who is always willing to help others. Or, at least, this is how I see myself. Currently I feel extremely undervalued and underappreciated. I can tell you that when I started, I gave my all to help improve processes and morale. Over the years, as my efforts have gone mostly unnoticed, I started to withdraw. Why give 100% of myself if no one is paying attention, right? I know this is wrong…and I keep telling myself that regardless of the situation, my work always deserves the best of what I have to offer. My work should be a reflection of who I am as a person…not about getting rewards and acknowledgements.

You find out who your friends are – the country song keeps playing in my head. Over the last year, I’ve discovered who my true friends are and just how important they are to me. Some new, some old…either way they’re impossible to live without. They’re constantly reminding me that I’m not alone…I’m not the only one with problems…and are always making me laugh – sometimes even at myself. When I get down and depressed, there are 2 very strong, beautiful, smart women I can go to that will help me see the light in any given situation. I can tell them damn near anything…and I appreciate their honest, and unfiltered opinions. Thanks ladies…I’m pretty sure you will know who you are if you read this :) PS…if you’re a fake friend…how about we stop wasting each other’s time, ok?

I find myself saying, “Life should NOT be this complicated” quite frequently these days. In reality, I know that it’s only as complicated as we make it. You’re looking at the Queen of Over Analyzing…and for the umpteenth time in my life I am just sitting here wishing there was an off switch for this brain of mine. I need to come to terms with the fact that while "Life is what you make it"...everyone has limitations on just how much they can influence a little thing called FATE.

I suppose this is enough whining for now. Thanks for pretending to read it!

Dare to Dream

95% of the time I work hard to get what I want. I’m not afraid of a challenge. Quite the opposite actually. Challenges entice me. Motivate me. I like the knowledge that I’ve worked for what I have.

The remaining 5% is a compilation of impossible dreams. Those of which I may want with all my heart, but understand that it just isn’t possible. Beyond those impossible dreams, possible heartbreak is kept under lock and key. Placed there for my own sanity. There are rare moments of weakness, when the possible heartbreak escapes and I’m forced to face the harsh reality of impossibility. It’s in those moments that I am the most vulnerable. As my brain and my heart fight an epic battle, I find myself confused and torn. Inevitably, my brain wins the fight - as all reliable brains do - and possible heartbreak is once again shoved behind a seemingly impenetrable door.

Except this time I don’t want to lock it away. I want to face it and see where it takes me. It very well may mean my ultimate destruction…but I might be willing to risk it…just this once…and just for this impossible dream.

The years go by so fast...

It's been awhile since I've posted an update on the fam. SO much going on lately! Decided if I procrastinated any longer, I'd have more catching up to do than I personally care for...

So, let's start off with Keaton. He's 2.5 years old and - THANK YOU LORD - is FULLY POTTY TRAINED. He's still wearing Pull-Ups at night only because I'm trying to use up the last of the stack. I would say we're about 4 Pull-Ups away from being a DIAPER FREE FAMILY!!! Definitely loving that. He's counting, saying his ABC's and seems to be right on track with everything. His endless energy is still a constant struggle...I can barely keep up. About 3 weeks ago, he followed in his sister's footsteps (for those of you who remember the paperwad incident). I discovered he had shoved approximately 4-5 macaroni noodles UP HIS NOSE!! No, I'm not kidding. You couldn't see them looking up his nostril, but he would blow and a noodle would peak out. Gross is right! I'm just really hoping we got them all :) As most of you have seen, the kid is in full Spiderman mode. He likes Batman and some of the others, but Spiderman is king as far as Keaton is concerned. Spidey fingers appear in just about every picture taken. It's gotten to the point where - if asked to count using his fingers - instead of holding up his first finger and middle finger for TWO...Spidey fingers pop up instead. I need to catch this on video! Other than that, he's doing great...getting big...and is turning into such a sweetheart (when he wants to be, of course).

Now Rya...where to start. She will be 5 in less than a month. We're on a waiting list for a couple of highly ranked charter schools in the area as she'll start Kindergarten at the end of July. At her preschool, there is a private Kindergarten class. Rya was actually bumped up to this class and has been participating in everyday Kindergarten course work already. Addition, subtraction, writing, reading, etc. The truly amazing part (or at least I find it amazing)...SHE CAN ALREADY READ!!!! She has a big book of early reader Dr. Seuss stories and can read most of it herself. She even surprised her teacher with this :) I have a feeling that the transition into Kindergarten for her is going to be almost seamless. She's also really into writing and drawing. We go through so much paper in this house that Roy and I are looking into some other alternatives for her hobby...maybe a Kindle app or something. She's super social and is already asking for sleepovers...where has my little girl gone??

As for Roy and I - we have started a 90 challenge. It's called the Body by Vi Challenge - through Visalus. It's a shake in the morning and a shake at lunch with a sensible dinner. We've been on this for 2 weeks now...Roy has lost 6 pounds and last time I weighed myself I was down 3.5 pounds. I haven't mentioned anything up to this point because - let's face it - I'm not known for sticking to this kinda thing, but so far it's been fairly simple. The shakes make life a little easier - not having to worry about breakfast or lunch - as well as actually tasting pretty darn good. I've been trying to walk during lunch a couple times a week as well and hope that we can start getting more active as a family. Stay tuned for additional updates on this :)

I'm still in school - though in the process of changing gears a bit. I've decided that I really want to teach High School English...so I've shifted my classes to go for my BS in Secondary Education with an emphasis in English. Only about...oh...2.5 - 3yrs to go :(

And that folks...is life in the McCormack household. No big vacation plans this year...but we're always willing to be convinced :)

So what if I quoted Popeye...

I sat trying to think of something to type that would inspire – that would motivate – that would make people happy. All that I could come up with was a hefty dose of sarcasm. Then it hit me…that light bulb moment I had been so desperately seeking. Sarcasm and me are like this **crosses fingers**. I’m not the inspirational or motivational guru. I’m the sarcasm guru. It’s who I am. That’s not to say that through my sarcasm there isn’t a hint of sincerity that may – in way one or another – inspire or motivate. It’s just that…if you’re looking for ooey gooey, sticky sweetness…this isn’t the place.

What brought about this revelation, you may ask?! I read a blog today that said to release yourself from trying to be “good enough”. It really hit home. I spend too much damn time trying to be everything to everyone. I rarely stop to think about who I am…to MYSELF. For some reason, I spend more time worrying about everyone BUT myself. As the New Year approaches - and before another year gets tacked on to my age - I figured now was as good a time as any to take stock of my life and figure out where I stand. So let’s do this together…take a few minutes, clear your mind and concentrate on YOU…where do you see yourself…what do you want out of 2012?

If you’re wondering just what the above mentioned few minutes might look like – here is what this crazy brain of mine came up with:

1) I live too much in my head. Sometimes I think I live life more in my head than I do out in the real world. I’m a thinker by nature and that is my problem. I think too much. I think WAY too much. Instead of getting out and just DOING…I – instead – THINK and PONDER over everything. Not very productive, let me tell you. I have to remember that some of the best moments in life aren’t planned or even thought of. They just happen when you least expect them.

2) I need to let myself be happy. Things will never turn out exactly how I want them to...and I won’t always get what I really want {and boy is that an understatement}…but life is good and I should be thankful for that. I read a quote once - on a refrigerator magnet of all places - that said, “Happiness is a journey!” It’s simple and brilliant. Couldn’t think of better words to live by.

3) Seriously…it’s ok if you don’t like me. More than likely, I don’t really like you either. I will never be liked by everyone…which makes it even more important to remember that I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me. What’s that phrase…”Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.” Or something like that…

4) I will never be perfect. This one is uber important so I’m going to say it again with more emphasis…I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. I need to be ok with that. As a self-declared perfectionist, I understand the hazards that come along with this infliction. Unfortunately, it’s a personality flaw and even though I shout it to the world here in this post, in 30 seconds I will have forgotten this statement and will be aiming for perfection yet again. So maybe the more important statement that needs to be made is…I am who I am…or even better…it is what it is. Live with it.

5) Those that don’t value my talent and who I am as a person, are not worthy of my time. Pretty self explanatory. Some of you should be worried. Just sayin’…

Of course, because I’m a thinker…I could probably come up with quite a few more, but I shall refrain…for now. Instead…I’ll leave you with this.

In the words of Popeye, “I am what I am!” If you don’t like it, well...that’s not my problem anymore :)

Happy Holidays ~ From Mama Mack

Viewer Discretion is Advised!!!

I’ve never claimed to be anything but what I am – a bitch. It’s really just an acceptance of all my faults and an understanding that people will either like me for who I am or not. It’s their choice. Yet, it has become clear to me that even people I believe like me, really just tolerate me and for the most part think that I’m a bitch. This may leave you confused as I just admitted above that I AM a bitch. The point of this post is to clarify that there is a BIG difference between accepting your bitchiness and realizing that pretty much everyone around you is THINKING you are a bitch.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve understood that my attitude and actions can give off the impression of bitchiness. People often mistake my passion and seriousness for my kids, for my work, for my life as bitchiness. I can assure you that the words that come out of my mouth are never intended to be rude, condescending or bitchy. My ability to filter my tone has gotten significantly better with age, yet it will never be perfect. I stand up for what I believe in. I tell it like it is. Sometimes things are just going to come out the wrong. Sometimes things are going to rub people the wrong way. And therein lies the difference - me understanding that I’m a bitch doesn’t take the hurt away when I find out people think I’m a bitch.

Yesterday was a day of self revelations. I realized that most people around me believe me to be bitchy, condescending, and stubborn. I also realized that I take things WAY too seriously – and that is an understatement. My need to “mother” everyone and everything around me also causes me more trouble than I really need. Then I start understanding that I don’t necessarily like who I am, but also understand that I can’t change me. I can work to improve my filter and try to take a lighter approach on certain aspects of my life, but I can’t change the inherent elements that are ME anymore than I can make the grass blue. I start to think that I’m becoming more and more like some family members that I always told myself I would never be like. I start to analyze my life and where I am and how the constant feeling of loneliness probably has A LOT to do with me being a bitch. It probably has alot to do with my serious lack of close current friendships. Then I ask myself if an Elementary School teacher is really going to work for me…I’m not the bubbly, likeable person that one expects to find teaching their kids…

And that’s when it really hits me. I see some of the same traits starting to appear in my children. The bossiness. The need to be in control. And THAT is when I really start to panic. At first I thought they were good traits to have – in moderation of course. They would grow up to be leaders one day and those skills would come in handy. Now I’m starting to wonder if these traits will bring them the same pain they’ve brought me. Have I done them a huge injustice by letting these traits rub off onto them? Could I have stopped it? It’s one thing for me to be disliked. I’ve dealt with it for years now. It’s another to think that my children might go through this…all because of me and who I am.

So the question is – where does one draw the line? Is accepting me for me ok, or is there an underlying problem there that needs professional help? Trust me, even I recognize the sound of craziness when I hear it (or read it). Most importantly, how do I stop the hurt this is causing me…and why NOW is it bothering me when it never has before, at least not to this extent?

Maybe this is all just pointless babble…typed out for no one to read. Did it help? No, not really…

Who is SHE?!

I look in the mirror and I’m left wondering, “who is that woman in front of me?” Oh sure, she has long brown hair and my big brown eyes, but she sure doesn’t resemble the me that I recognize. I catch little glimpses of the me I remember, but then she’s gone again. Lost behind a mind so full of family, school, work, life, schedules, parties, and so on that she’s become unrecognizable.

Sounds crazy, right? It sounds crazy to me. Yet I find myself in this funk every couple of months. Then something happens and I break through the fog…coming to my senses and proclaiming that I’m going to do things differently. I’m going to put me first and won’t let this happen again. And guess what…it’s a lie. It happens again and I’m just as confused on how I got here as I was the first time or the fifth time or the twentieth time.

I realize that my plate is overflowing. It’s my own doing – choices I’ve made – that have brought me to this winding path. Sometimes it’s sunny and I can walk along knowing that I have a beautiful family, a loving husband, great friends, good job and that everything will be just fine. Then there are times that the path is rough, the sky is gray and I never know when it might start raining down on me. I need to find balance...

Sometimes there is so much going on in my head that I neglect the people in my life. There are those who have no idea just how much they mean to me. How much I’m grateful for them and what they bring to my life. I keep meaning to tell them…yet I never do. It’s as if I live life in my head, never really living life out loud.

How do I shut my mind off long enough for me to actually enjoy life rather than analyze it? That is the question here, isn’t it? Where is that elusive off switch I’ve been searching for? What would be the consequences if I found it? Would it make a difference?

For now, I’ll just sit back and let all of this wander through my head.

And while I’m thinking about it…know that I love you. I really do <3

Sleep? What's that?

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." ~ Leo J. Burke

My mom was right. We were totally spoiled by Rya’s ability to sleep through just about ANYTHING - practically since she was born. Now – when faced with the Little Monster and his sporadic inability to sleep through the night, I am left exhausted, confused, and frustrated.

So fellow Mama’s, I need some SERIOUS advice. Here’s the low down…Keaton has never been a great sleeper. We’ll go through spurts where he’ll sleep through the night for a few months and then something will happen – maybe he gets sick or there is some change in the routine – and it’s like we’re starting all over from square one. It’s to the point where I’m GOOGLING advice because I’m at my wits end, yet every suggestion is something we already do or have done. I love the Little Monster, but Mama needs some SLEEP!!! So – if you have any tips, comments, snide remarks, I’m open to hearing them {and ignoring them if applicable}.

Here is what we currently do / or have tried:

1) We have a bedtime routine. When it’s time for bed, the family goes upstairs and Roy and I each take an offspring to get them all pajama’d up, teeth brushed, “I Love You’s” said, in bed, story read, lights out and doors closed. On bath nights, throw a bath in before the “pajama’d up.”
2) After lights out, the door is closed when he is still awake, so that he falls asleep on his own. There is no rocking to sleep or anything of that nature.
3) We’ve made sure he has a full tummy – he’s well fed, and in the event he doesn’t eat much, we make sure he has at least a graham cracker and cup of milk to put something in his belly.
4) Keaton has a classical music CD that plays when he’s in bed and I read him a story. I’m not sure EXACTLY how long it plays, but it’s at least 45 minutes.
5) Had a nightlight, which I just removed on Thursday thinking maybe it was TOO bright and was causing him to wake up.
6) He still has his binky {aka – pacifier} which we’ve limited to bedtime only. Working on breaking that habit…SOON…as I know that could be one reason he wakes up - when it gets “lost” in the middle of the night.
7) When he DOES wake up, I go in and find his binky, put him back in bed, and walk out. I don’t talk or turn on lights {though of course sometimes he has already turned them on himself}.
8) On nights where I just can't get him back down, I've given him a sippy cup of milk in bed {which would typically NOT happen} just to get him to SLEEP! Even that doesn't always work.
9) We’ve attempted the “let him cry it out method.” My husband fully pins me on this one because at about the 45 min to an hour mark, I start getting frustrated because I can’t sleep and truly believe this kid will just keep crying and knocking until it’s time to get up.

Here are a few things I am going to try, along with the thought processes behind them:

1) Lighter PJ’s at night – maybe he’s getting too warm.
2) Something to provide constant noise whether it’s a fan or hitting “repeat” on his CD player – maybe he has a hard time falling back asleep when it’s quiet.
3) Getting rid of the binky – if he doesn’t have it to lose it, then he won’t need to get up to find it. Of course, this will probably make the problem WORSE initially.
4) Buying a new mattress – we gave him Rya’s mattress from when she was a baby. It’s older and maybe now that he’s bigger, it’s getting uncomfortable.

Here are a couple other key pieces of information before you share your wisdom:

1) He is in a toddler bed, so he’s not confined.
2) Because Keaton is a wannabe Houdini, we’ve had to install a lock that is accessible from the outside of his door so that we can lock him in at night. The idea of him getting out and playing by the stairs is just not something I want to think about. This means that when he does wake up, he is KNOCKING at the door and hitting the handle. It’s loud…and obnoxious.
3) When he wakes up, it's close to impossible to get him back to sleep without rocking him or putting him in bed and rubbing his back.
4) Over the weekend, he slept through the ENTIRE night – BOTH nights – that Auntie Carlene and Todd watched him. The first night that Roy and I were back, he went right back to waking up at approx 1-2am. WTF?!?
4) The other big problem with the "cry it out" method is Keaton's penchant for getting naked. This means jammies and Pull-Up come OFF. The last thing I want to find in the morning is a ginormous MESS that I will have to clean up.

So there you have it. We need your help…BADLY! I might even be willing to offer a reward for anyone who provides a winning tip. Alright...WOW me with your brilliance. Ready? Set? GO!

Shoes? Fu@k Shoes!

That headline is for you Dane Cook fans out there - and is ENTIRELY relevant to the following blog post:

My son likes to be naked! Bet that got your attention, right? But it’s really as simple as that. It doesn’t matter what the article of clothing may be…socks, shoes, jammies, Pull-Ups…nothing stays on long. You want examples? Oh – I can give you examples!

Ok…socks and shoes both come off before we even leave the house to go to school. Most of the time, he has swapped shoes and is wearing a pair of Sister’s flip flops. I then have to put HIS shoes BACK on to get him out to the car. Sometimes they come off in there too. This has resulted in numerous lost socks and a missing flip flop at daycare – you didn’t really think this was just happening at home, did you? We now have one LEFT yellow flip flop - who’s match is lost somewhere in our house - and one LEFT green flip flop that was more than likely shoved into the garbage at daycare never to be seen again. Which is really just sad considering I could’ve at least had a pair of mismatched flips flops if they were Left and Right’s!

Then there are jammies. Imagine walking into your child’s room in the middle of the night after you hear him up and crying. The light is on and the first thing you see when you open the door is said child, jammie-less…holding his blanket. Now, keep in mind that you’re half asleep and the fact that your child is not wearing the jammies you put him in before bed is trying to right itself in your brain. You then notice that said jammies are crumpled up in the corner of the room. Oh – and did I mention these are footed, one piece jammies? **Sigh** Yes, this particular scenario happened at 4am this morning.

And if that’s not enough, there are numerous occasions where I’m in the kitchen and when Keaton walks around the corner he is butt naked – no clothes, no Pull-Up…just him and his sippy cup. Funny, right? Oh no – not when I’m upstairs getting ready and I happen to glance down the staircase to make sure Daddy is watching him only to discover that the little terror is walking up the stairs…without pants…and is in the process of pulling off his Pull-Up and is leaving a trail of little brown nuggets behind him. Oh yes…that’s right…POOP PELLETS trailing up my stairs. I couldn’t make this up…seriously!

Now, you’re probably thinking…”do they not pay attention to their child?” I can assure you that we do. My only response is that this child moves at the speed of light. He’s like…the Stealth Undresser. You think I’m kidding? How about you babysit one evening and let’s see what happens, shall we?? Uh huh – thought so. There’s a reason we call him the Little Monster, you know. Good thing he’s utterly adorable cuz otherwise he could’ve ended up on the black market.

The point to this? I guess I’m looking for confirmation that this is…indeed…just a phase and that my child is not going to become a flasher or nudist or something.

{Side note – obviously I know this is really just normal behavior for the most part…but it does make for an entertaining read, right?}

Dammit! Where's the off switch to this thing?

I've been struggling lately. Mostly with myself, a little with others...in just about every aspect of my life. It's gotten to the point where I'm getting a little worried about myself. When you begin to seriously pray for an off switch for your brain, you know you're in trouble.

I know what some of you are thinking. "But she just got back from vacation!" You're right...I did. And let me tell you that I'm pretty sure the trip did more harm then good. Knowing most people won't understand, when asked how my trip was, I smile and tell them it was good. A few select individuals got the truth. That it left me feeling very disillusioned. Disillusioned about friends, about family, about where exactly I fit in to this picture I call my life. {And trust me...I get the irony of this paragraph}

I've come to a few really important realizations that I've decided to share. Not so much because I want someone's opinion, but to organize my thoughts and - hopefully - get myself out of this theoretical rut I have found myself in. So - here goes nothing...

1) Facebook is more harmful, than helpful. Wow - loaded statement right? You all know that I love me some FB. It's how I stay in touch with most of you, keeping current on everyone's comings and goings. I've realized, however, that it creates a sort of unstable sense of friendship. What does that mean? Well, it means that I'm creating or cultivating all of these "virtual" friendships, yet the real ones are either disintegrating or...for some...are non-existent in the real world. It means that it gives me this false sense of comfort thinking that my true friends know how I feel about their friendship. It means that I need to make the extra effort to reach out to those friends and actually TALK with them. Not everday...not every week. Just every once in awhile so they know that I value them and the place they've carved out in my life. Of course - don't expect me to abandon FB any time soon. That's an addiction that will take awhile to break.

2)It's ok to just go with the flow. Sounds simple enough, right? For me, this is a painstaking process. I set deadlines for everything and get very agitated when those deadlines aren't met. Makes me super great at my job, but not so much when it comes to my life. Somewhere in this blog you will find a post that mentions something to the effect of "forgetting self imposed deadlines". I have obviously not listened to my own advice. I need to remember that not everything has to have an agenda that is followed. Sometimes the happiest moments in life are those that are spontaneous. Again, sounds easy, but I assure you...for me, it is not. It is something that I will be striving for and struggling with, but is something that I know is a MUST for me to move forward.

3) My family is the single most important thing in my life. Oh sure...say it. DUH! And it's not that I ever really FORGOT this. But it's good to remind myself now and then. Especially when my brain is going a million miles a second thinking about FB and when the next homework assignment is due and what's for dinner and when is that project at work going to mail...etc, etc. I've recently found I spend too much time worrying about everything and everybody else...and not nearly enough time just concentrating on my family. There can be no comparing my life to anyone elses. I don't know what their journey is all about, so I shouldn't get so wrapped up in the differences between us. My kids will never be perfect. My husband will never be perfect. I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT! And that is perfectly ok! :)

And there you have it. Know that the Kelly today is feeling a helluva lot stronger than the Kelly even a week ago...and she's being revived more and more every single second. I don't know...call it a re-evaluation of my life. Call it a psychotic episode. Call it a nervous break down. Or simply call it a woman with a lot on her shoulders, readjusting everything to make it just a little more comfortable to carry.

Yeah, I like that last one too :) Til next time folks...

SuperWoman by definition

su·per·wom·an (so͞oˈpər-wo͝omˌən) - noun
A woman who successfully performs all the duties typically associated with several different full-time roles, such as wage earner, graduate student, mother, and wife.

How many of us fit this definition? We try to be everything to everyone. Most of the time we're successful. But there are dangers that every Superwoman should be aware of. Things like learning how to say no when you've spread yourself too thin, or understanding that part of being a true Superwoman means learning to make YOU a priority in order to avoid burn out.

I need to remember - as much as anybody - that the most important part of being a Superwoman is knowing that you're also human. The term Superwoman does not mean you're perfect. It means you understand your imperfections and can compensate for them.

There are few people in this world that I would say truly understand me. But there are a couple of smart, independent women who have become my most staunch supporters. Doesn't mean they know everything about me - just means that when I say I'm struggling, they understand why and they offer up their hearts and their minds to help me work through it. Doesn't matter that they're both going through their own life changing situations right now. That - by definition - makes them SUPERWOMEN.

It's you girls that I send my most heartfelt gratitude and love out to tonight. You're my favorite Superwomen!!

Where's my cape?

It's been one of those days. You know, the ones where nothing seems to go right. Where Life is sitting back laughing as you maneuver through the obstacles - not quite successfully.

I have this brilliant friend - we always talk about how we're going to take over the world someday {hey - everyone needs a pipe dream, right?!}. The first post on her new blog solidifies our SUPERWOMEN status and has answered a question that I didn't even know I was asking:

"Today I understand that when I think my mind and my heart are disconnected, it's fear that's coming between the two." ~ KT

It's so simple, yet so true. Of course - now that I'm aware of this little tidbit - Fear doesn't stand a chance. It's OK to be afraid. It's OK to be unsure. We will never have all of the answers - and that's OK too. There's joy to be found in the unknown.

So - to you all of you SUPERWOMEN out there - go kick Fear in the you-know-what, take a deep breath, and let your heart and mind have a well deserved vacation before it's time to get back to dealing with that little bastard known as Life. You'll be so glad you did!

I've fallen and I can't get up...

I'm not even going to explain that part of this post...

But...I will say that as I sit here watching Auction Hunters (I would prefer Storage Wars, but I'll take what I can get) all of these discarded items found in abandoned storage sheds and I are kindred spirits. Valuable, yet unappreciated.

I could go on, but I'm fairly certain that the shortness of this post will speak VOLUMES...

Holy Ass Kicking!

Boot Camp Babes...end of week TWO. Shoulder has finally started to feel better. Now my shins and ankles hurt. I'm fairly certain that this is a sign I'm getting old.......or maybe just that I wore new work out shoes on Monday night and they did not agree with my muscles. Either way, I'll take it easy this weekend and hope everything feels better next week.

Aside from the killer ASS KICKING I'm receiving from Cherith every week (love you Cherith...have a FABULOUS week off)...I'm also getting out and meeting other new Mama's - which is an awesome side benefit. I'm definitely not the fittest one in the bunch (and yes, fittest is a word...I googled it and found "fittest man in the world"...so there), but I hold my own pretty well - which was one of my biggest concerns when I started. Considering I've had 2 kids via c-section and haven't worked out in years, I'm pretty proud of myself. So...who's ready to join up for the next session with me?? Any takers?? (Mel...please move here so I can have a work out buddy....pretty pretty please?!?!?!)

To date I have lost a whopping TWO POUNDS :( Why the sad face you ask? Because we're currently having a Biggest Loser type contest at work...and while everyone keeps telling me I look thinner, I'm not seeing it on the scale. Which probably means I'm gaining muscle...or some crap like that. Figures!

There you have it folks. I've stuck with it...made it through 2 whole weeks and am still enjoying it. Shocking, I know. The most shocking thing I've realized in the last two weeks?? The kids make it to bed without me just fine. Hmmm...guess the whole world still turns even if Mama isn't here.

.......Catch that little lesson I threw in there ladies? If not, message me and we'll chat :) Night all! Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

What?! I'm a Babe?

Boot Camp Babe that is :)

For those of you tuning in, tonight was my second night of Boot Camp Babes (www.bootcampbabesaz.com)...and I'm LOVING it. It ain't easy - trust me. Cherith worked my butt off...quite literally ;) I've been home a whole 30 minutes and I'm already sore - which does NOT bode well for tomorrow. Oh - and my shoulder is still on strike. Negotiations will resume tomorrow morning.

To bring you all up to speed - right now, I'm sitting somewhere around 144.5 pounds. Goal is to lose 20 pounds - stretch goal is to lose 30 pounds. I might post the pre-measurements taken on Monday...we'll see. Gotta work up the courage for that one. On top of the work outs, I'm watching what I'm eating and drinking lots of water. But making sure that what I'm doing fits with my lifestyle...which I've found to be VERY important. I'll update the blog regularly on my progress...and to maybe recruit some of you locals to join me...consider yourselves warned!!

I know this is short...especially considering my last blog post was in December. (Yes, yes...I know...I suck) BUT...Mama's tired and needs to get some rest. So stay tuned friends. It's going to be a long and bumpy ride...

Mama Mack's Thought of the Day:

I joined Boot Camp Babes to lose weight. That's the obvious benefit. The other will sound strange to most of you...but it is what it is. This is ME time. Kelly time. Time where I only have to worry about myself. You Mama's out there know EXACTLY how rare that time can be. BUT...we often lose sight of just how important it is. How important it is to TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES - both MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY. So...I leave you with this...take a second for YOU. Doesn't matter what, where, or how. Designate some time each day for YOU. Feel like sharing your You Moment...post away. I'm always up for new ideas, and I'm sure everyone else is too.

Until next time friends...this Babe is off to catch some Zzzz's ;)

The simple life...

Do you ever feel like you've gone down the wrong path? Like, you've missed a very important step in the life process that has brought you to where you currently are and now you're not sure how to get back on track?

It's strange really, considering a week ago I thought I was exactly where I was meant to be. Nothing life altering has happened...we are still trucking along on this crazy road we call life. So why is my mind suddenly telling me that I've made a mis-step somewhere along the way? I think it ultimately boils down to over-complicating things. Making life harder than it needs to be.

I've found my New Years Resolution - about a month early, but better than being a month late, right?

I will simplify my life - and hope that it will result in a more pure and stable happiness.

And I thought it was going so well...

DISENCHANTED
Definition: 1. Freeing from false belief or illusions. 2. Disappointed with someone or something, and no longer believing that they are good.

Amazing how quickly life can go from good to...well, not necessarily bad. Just...blah! For the last few weeks I've been on a "life high"...feeling like I had found my place and was experiencing a kind of contentment I'm not sure I've ever known. It's a little disheartening (Definition: to cause to lose spirit or morale) to know that it can be taken away so fast.

Maybe I'll share eventually, or maybe not. I haven't decided. For once in my life, I might just keep this between me, myself, and I.

Turkey Day

From our family to yours - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

For the first time in a long time, I feel truly grateful for and at peace with this crazy, imperfect thing I call my life. I suppose that comes with age and acceptance of the things I can not change.

For what it's worth, I pray you find the same inner peace today...

Saturday morning sleepiness...

LOVE: A shiny new faucet - with pull out sprayer and included soap dispenser.

HATE: Spending money on a faucet when we had NOT been planning on it.

The joys of being an adult I suppose. Got home last night, started washing dishes (which was probably my first mistake) when all of a sudden water started spraying everywhere. Broken seal apparently. The guys went to the HD to get a new one, got it installed and there it sits looking beautiful.

Hmm...I guess it kind of makes the sink look dingy. But alas, my powers of persuasion were not strong enough to convince the hubby that we needed a new sink to match. My chances of the sink malfunctioning are slim to none, so I guess I'm stuck with it.

RANDOM SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT - ATTENTION DAYCARE PROVIDERS: There are these things called "cubbies". Each one is labeled with a child's name. It would be FABULOUS if you could actually put each child's jacket in the corresponding cubbie so I don't have to spend 15-20 minutes searching, only to find Rya's in Riley's cubbie and Keaton's in an unmarked cubbie in another room. Thanks. This concludes today's Random Service Announcement.

Hair Appointment in t-minus 3.5 hours. Ahhhh...ready for the frump to be gone and the va-va-voom to liven my look up a little. Pics to follow...

Happy Saturday everyone!

Good mood don't leave me now...

Not too bad for a Friday morning. Got up, got ready…all before either child made a peep. Got both kiddos up and dressed with minimal hassle. Well, except for the four poopy diapers I had to change for Keaton while trying to get Rya ready. Oh yes…I said FOUR poopy diapers. No constipation issues with this kid.

Two things that made me smile this morning:

1) We get downstairs and I notice one or both dog(s) has also had some poop issues…ON MY CARPET. **Sigh** So I told Rya to watch Keaton while I picked it up. Seconds later I was done and asked Rya where Keaton was. Her response: “I put him in the closet so he wouldn’t touch the poop.” I walk over, open the closet door and there he was…smiling up at me :)

2) Daycare had a wall of dinosaur art – a plate decorated with a dinosaur for each child. Each had a name, diet, and favorite activity. Most of the kids had diets of strawberries, bananas, or some other fruit for their dinosaur. Oh – not my little Ryasaurus. She was the ONLY one with a diet of PEOPLE! I’m so proud of my little carnivore..hehe ;)

Mama Mack’s thought of the day:

So, we’ve recently made some changes in the McCormack household. The TV has been a convenience for us for a long time – you get off work, you don’t get home until 6pm and now you have to fix dinner with two starving kids grabbing at your legs. TV was something that kept them occupied while Mom and Dad did their thing. It was easy to leave it on and watch while we ate. What we started noticing is that dinner was taking an hour to an hour and a half – all the while we had to constantly remind Rya to eat rather than watch TV. We made the decision that something had to be done. So – as of this past Sunday night, we no longer watch TV while we eat. We all sit at the table (Keaton in his highchair, lowered with the tray pushed under the table so he feels like a big boy) and TALK. Novel idea, right? Personally, I find it gives me more quality time with my kids and ultimately helps them eat better rather than being zombified by their favorite shows. It even gives me some time to talk with the hubby about our increasingly chaotic days – something we rarely get a chance to do when we’re in EVENING RUSH MODE.

The point of this all – as I sat with Roy and Rya on our bed last night before we shipped Rya off to her own room, we joked, we played, we talked…and I realized that for the first time in a long time, I was able to sit and enjoy my family rather than feeling rushed and hurried to meet some self-imposed deadline. It was FABULOUS. Maybe THAT is the ultimate point:

Deadlines and cleaning and planning can wait. Your family can’t. So take a deep breath, put those inner demons in their cages for a bit and just ENJOY!!!!

Happy Friday to all!!

Miss me?

Why is it that I always want to start a blog with ‘Life has been hectic’? I mean, it definitely has been, but couldn’t I type something a little more…dynamic? Something more like: ‘This whirlwind I call life has been interesting these last few months.’ Or maybe even ‘Life…the hectic frontier’….whoa – way too Star Trek! Or maybe it's because I have this hidden guilt for not posting a blog in forever. I know, forever is a bit dramatic, but that's where the guilt part comes in. Ya know, they’re right…less is more…

Busy. That one word has defined the last few months. Working, kids, hubby, holidays, etc. etc. Just seems like there are never enough hours in the day. Can you believe Thanksgiving is one week from today??? I mean, Christmas is practically TOMORROW! As we enter the busiest Holiday Season I can remember, I thought I should take a few minutes and update you all on my wonderfully imperfect children (I say it like that because – to be quite honest – I’m tired of everyone pretending like they have these perfect little lives/families. Mine’s not. Never has been. BUT…it’s mine and I kinda like it that way). Sorry, I got side tracked. Seems to be the order of business today!

So, first up – Rya Faith. She is going to be four in three months. Yes, FOUR! I warn other Mommy’s all the time about enjoying every second because the time goes too fast. This is the PERFECT example. My first born…our own little miracle…has been in our lives for almost four whole years now. I wouldn’t change a single second. I just wish it wouldn’t all pass by so stinkin fast. This past week I had a “parent/teacher conference” with her preschool teacher. Apparently they had given the students in the 4’s class (side note: she’s been in the 4’s class for the last 4-5 months or so…and remember, she’s not 4 until the end of Feb) anyways…the class was given a Pre-K readiness and a Kindergarten readiness test. She passed both with flying colors. Yeah, she’s a smarty pants. The teacher even commented that she can count to 26 – which apparently few kids in the class can do (UPDATE: I heard her count to 39 last night before she said "30-11" because she couldn't remember 40). There are still some social development things we need to work on…the bossiness, the not listening, and the temper she has all of a sudden, but I’m told those are all typical for the age and that when she finally does turn 4 it will be like someone flipped a switch and she’ll be “normal” again. (Another side note for you Mama’s out there – you always hear about the Terrible Two’s. Don’t believe them. It should really be called the TERRIBLE THREE’s! You’ve been warned). That’s where the “imperfect” part comes in. In the last few months she’s been a bossy, yelling one moment – crying the next, little girl who seems to think that SHE runs this family. It’s hard getting her to eat because she plays with her silverware…and her cup…and anything else that may be sitting in front of her. After bath she runs around like a wild woman and we fight to get her to listen. Usually the “I’m going to throw your Halloween candy away” does the trick, but I think she’s on to us already with that one. And sadly yes, we still have Halloween candy. Probably because they only get a piece a day and that’s if they’re good. Let’s see…what else. Her current favorite saying: “Oh my gosh Mom! That is so stinkin cute!” Yeah, she’s totally my daughter. May look like Daddy, but the attitude is all me (hence me not being surprised by the bossiness). I love you baby girl…bossiness and all!

On to Little Man - aka Keaton. The child who NEVER sits still. You may think I’m joking. I’m not. He is on-the-go nonstop. He climbs, he runs, he jumps, and he pushes. He even hit a little girl in the face with a handful of sand while we were at the zoo (luckily she had 2 older brothers at home so Mom wasn’t mad). He’s a little monster…but I love him. We had his 18 month check up on Tuesday. He is 26lbs (50%), 33.75inches (90%), with a head circumference of 19 (50%). He’s right on track with where he should be developmentally. We’re in full blown ‘No’ mode. He even does the hand motions (points the ‘mom’ finger and says No, No, No). He can say Mama, Dada, Rya (his favorite word), thank you, puppy, done, poopoo, Melmo (for Elmo), sit, and a few others. Most aren’t crystal clear – but I understand him. He also knows the signs for please, more, eat, and help. He can point to his nose, eyes, ears, mouth, tongue, teeth, belly button, fingers, toes and holds up his hands and feet. You know those really heavy doors they have in schools – the ones with the glass and push down handles - he can get those open and break free. Yes, this has happened at school. Even at home actually…walked right out the front door. Needless to say we now keep it locked at all times. We haven’t done much with the potty yet, though I’m thinking it’s about time to at least introduce it. He tells you ‘poopoo’ after he’s gone and is much more aware of when he’s going pee. Ugh…I’m really not looking forward to potty training again. I keep trying to convince Roy this one’s on him. I mean, how could I possibly teach the boy about how to keep the pee in the toilet and not all over everything else? He’s purposely ignoring me I’m sure.

And that folks – is life at the McCormack household. It’s crazy, it’s insane…but honestly, I don’t have time to worry about it. I’m just another busy Mother who loves her family and is blessed with a few great friends who make up for all of the others. Thank you (you know who you are). I think you’ve saved me – if only mentally. Find that cure for my exhaustion and I’ll be devoted to you for life.

My new vow – to do this more often. I mean, if I blogged more, maybe then they wouldn’t turn out so haphazard. Hmmm…no, they still would. I’ve got a bazillion thoughts running through this mind at any given point in time. So what if it flies off my fingers and splats into a bunch of words that have random breaks and thoughts. You know you like it…that’s why you read it. So stay tuned world…I’m making a blog comeback!